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Pinterest

I was a late comer to Pinterest.  I didn't really understand it at first, but once I joined I loved it and pinned lots of stuff and even tried a few of the things I pinned.  Now I only have time to look at it occasionally.

Saturday I spent some time organizing my garage and I remembered something I saw on Pinterest and decided to give it a try.  I got a used pallet from work and am using it to store my lawn and garden tools.  Very clever, I am quite pleased with myself :)

It's official... I totally suck...

at blogging.  I am really going to try and get better at it though!

I am closing on my house in about an hour.  Surprisingly the overwhelming feeling I am having today is of melancholy.   Building our dream home was something we planned from the time we committed to each other, even before we were actually engaged we talked of it.

Now, as with everything else these days, I am doing it alone.

I should have anticipated feeling this way, but I did not see it coming at all.

There are other things to focus on as well...

Just a quick mention of the new way I choose to eat.  It is going remarkably well.  The fact that I am not depriving myself of anything makes a huge difference.  I had a cup of coffee this morning and if I decide I want to eat some meat at lunch i will do so, just after I have all my vegetables and fruit.  for me this really is about putting healthy things in my body.  Hopefully I will lose weight as I do that, but it's not my main focus.

On to other things... my youngest started his junior year of high school yesterday.  I have high hopes for him this year and I am looking forward to spending some extra time alone with him as my oldest son is going to be a Freshman in college.  He moves into the dorm tomorrow.  Lots of changes for sure.

Build on what you have...

I am disappointed that I have not kept up with this blog.  I thought of starting over, but decided I am not going to do that.  Even when I go without posting I am going to make myself come back to this and continue rather than trying to pretend that I can start again. 

You never know where the 2x4 that is going to level you will come from.

Had to take DS16 to the Orthodontist yesterday to get his bottom braces off. They called him back and brought me a clip board. "Mrs. B, could you please help us, we are updating our info.  Here is a new sheet, but also here is the sheet you filled out the first time you came in ~ if nothing much has changed just sign this one again."

I didn't want to take the clip board, I didn't want to see the paper I had filled out, I knew the exact date that was going to be at the top of the page...  Yep sure enough, there it was staring back at me... Dec 1, 2008.

You see Dec 1, 2008 is the day I confirmed what I had suspected for a few weeks... my husband of 19-1/2 years (at that time) was having an affair.  He had come home a few weeks prior and announced he was not happy and no longer wanted to be married.

That morning I didn't go to work because I had to take DS to the Orthodontist and when H left for work I broke into his computer.  I was unfamiliar with Yahoo Messenger, but I learned that day it keeps track of everything.  All their conversations were there for me to read… every word.

After the appointment I took my son to school and I went to work for a few hours... the day was sort of a blur and I know I was in no shape to get any real work done, but I had a counseling appointment afterward and I was anxious to go to that.

My counselor and I kind of planned out what I was going to say to H when I got home so I could get the words out.  Then while driving home an attorney I had contacted returned my call and I pulled to the side of the road to talk.  He confirmed that there was no legal reason I should not let H know that I knew what was going on.

Once in the house.... I made my way downstairs to where he was on the computer and said I had something to say.  

He came over to where I was and I said "I know",

he said “You know what?” 

I solemnly repeated those two words “I know”

and he said "you don't know anything, you're crazy!"
I remained very calm and again I said "I know... and the way I know is that yahoo messenger keeps a log of all conversations, just so you know".

I watched as all the blood drained from his face and then I walked upstairs to our room and started folding clothes.  He followed me after a few minutes.  He wanted to talk.  Once in the room he began crying... he actually fell down in our bedroom floor begging me to listen to him.

Looking back on that day it all seems just as surreal as it did then.  It feels like something I watched happen, not something I actually experienced.

So back to yesterday and the 2x4… I had to completely fill out a new form.  Except for my son's name, DOB and gender everything thing else had changed.